Daddy Daydreams of Camping Alone in the Woods

The last 6 months have been taxing on everyone. So don’t throw me a pity party or let me invite you to one of my own.

As a work-from-home/freelance/looking-for-work dad to a toddler though, there has been a lot of time where I’m with him and start to feel like all of my hours are either active hours with him, couch hours while he sleeps and there’s nowhere for me to go anyway, or napping hours where I work as fast as I can because at some point he’s going to wake up and need lunch.

Now, it’s important to me that I point out that this isn’t necessarily the case because his mama’s work schedule has her home more than a lot of parents get to be, and she’s awesome and allows me to get work done or have some quiet time while they go to the park, etc. BUT man, some days the feeling of never actually going anywhere and no real breaks starts to ADD UP!

So, I’ve found myself most days thinking about camping. Every time I see the commercial with the couple sitting by the fire on their phones, I think of it. Every time I listen to Arkells Campfire Chords I think of it. Every time I think about me and my brother and my dad at Silent Lake Provincial Park or the famous Algonquin Park, I wish I was out in the woods.

And then I feel guilty because I wish I was out in the woods alone. Leaving Jess at home to deal with Ollie.

And then I feel dumb because I know I would be out there missing Ollie and Jess the whole time.

And then I feel even dumber because I don’t own even half of the equipment I would need to go camping for three days.

But, just but, when I close my eyes I can picture a tent in the corner of the campsite with a tarp strung up in the trees for shade and rain protection. I can see the fire pit, surrounded by rocks with my lawn chair nearby, ready for a small fire to cook or for warmth or just because sitting by the fire is very soothing to me.

I can imagine myself reading the books that I’ve got sitting here waiting to be read. Or writing in a notebook with ideas for features or maybe dad stories or even bad poetry like I wrote all those many years ago.

Would I sleep in or be up to greet the sun? I don’t know!

Would I bring some beers or just drink a bunch of water (with that squeezy flavouring I love so much) and coffee and hang out? I don’t know!

Would I nap? Probably.

Would I hike? Maybe.

Would I run out of something I wanted or forget to bring something semi-important? Almost certainly.

But, just but, it all still sounds really good to me and it’s a daydream that I hope I can turn into a reality someday.

And as plans and dreams do, maybe this one will change. Maybe Ollie and Jess will camp with me. Maybe just Ollie. There are a lot of summers and falls ahead of us. It could happen.

So, don’t feel bad for me. I know how lucky I am to spend as much time with my young son as I do. And there’s more to say about that and how it feels in the future. But ya, in my imagination, with none of the logistics and mosquitos and packing to actually deal with, three days alone in the woods on a campsite is a daydream I’m having.